And the crazy thing is, you don't ask,
"What's wrong with him?"
No. You ask, "What's wrong with me?"
There's nothing wrong with you.
Mostly I'm just still pissed he got me in a dress.
So, the...
The other family, did he ever talk about them?
I didn't want to know.
I hated them. They got him.
What about your mom?
My mom died a couple years ago.
My sweet mom.
You know, she never said a bad word about him.
Can I just say,
your life is ass.
(LAUGHING)
It's really...
Don't laugh at me.
No, I'm not. I'm not laughing at you.
I'm just thinking how strong you are.
- I don't feel strong. - You're incredibly strong.
So when is your flight?
Uh...
(STAMMERING) I got a text earlier, actually,
and things are shifting around at work, so...
Looks like I have to stay in L.A. a little longer.
I know it's about the nachos.
Nachos, please.
You stuffing your face like a wildebeest in heat.
(UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
Early one morning the sun was shining I was laying in bed
Wondering if she'd changed at all If her hair was still red
Her folks, they said our lives together Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama's homemade dress
Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough
Andi was standing on the side of the road
(SAM AND FRANKIE CHATTING INDISTINCTLY)
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I've paid some dues getting through
Come on. Let's go. Hustle, Carol.
Okay. (LAUGHS)
Hey, man. No. Off, off, off.
Hey, look. Your backpack that you left in the backseat?
It's in the trunk.
That's where that was?
Also, the ride home from the record store,
maybe not mention it, okay?
- Why? - Hey, there.
(LAUGHS)
Nice car, huh, Josh?
Josh, Sam.
Howdy.
What's up?
All right, child. Hey, hey! No, no, no! Oh... Okay...
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out west
A little glamour face.
(LAUGHING)
I can't actually shoot anything.
- Are you filming? - FRANKIE: Yeah!
(ALL LAUGHING)
I heard her say over my shoulder
"We 'll meet again someday on the avenue "
Whoo!
Tangled up in blue
(SAM LAUGHING)
SAM: This is incredible.
(GASPS) My gosh, look at its little face.
It's looking right at me.
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT) Please, sir, spare my life.
I don't deserve to be eaten, mate.
What? Why is the crab British?
(LAUGHING)
FRANKIE: You gotta mallet that thing.
Because I'm a hater.
SAM: Let's hear a little Keith Moon.
(DRUMMING RHYTHMICALLY)
Whoo! Drum duet!
FRANKIE: Hit it!
BOTH: Oh!
SAM: Let me show you a trick.
Take the crab leg like such. We go like that.
We take our handy red crab claw.
There you go, buddy.
(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)
- Yeah, I've seen better. - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, God, is this the best you got?
(FARTING)
- Ugh! - Josh!
But it's real.
Thank you!
SAM: And I'm still crying.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS)
Hello?
SAM: Hey, it's me.
How are you?
You know. Amazing.
A woman keeps calling and leaving messages.
I think she wants to arrest you.
So, at least I'm not the only one.
Why did you call?
Just wanted to hear that I didn't lose you
to some circus troupe of lawyers.
(CHUCKLES)
I know you do.
- I should go. - I met her.
Her name's Frankie.
She tried so hard to get his attention.
Get him to notice her.
It's almost like we did grow up in the same house.
Except you ran away from him and she didn't have a choice.
You're good at running away, you know?
Yeah.
I've been practicing a long time.
And I know it's hard on you.
Did you tell her everything you know?
I don't know how.
Sam...
You're going to hurt this woman, you realize that.
And you got to make it right.
I got to go.
(CALL DISCONNECTS)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
JOSH: Dude, I could totally be in a band.
You know what I'd call it? My Friend's Band.
Like, "You got to see My Friend's Band."
Or like, "You got to hear My Friend's Band."
Oh, my God. People would be so confused.
- Hey, Josh. - Hey, Luce.
That girl is so caliente,
I don't even know what to do with myself.
Actually, I do know what to do with myself.
Oh, God, no. No, Romeo.
So, can I just ask you questions
and you answer me?
Not as my mentor, just as some old dude?
Oh, that would be great.
How do you get girls to like you?
(CHUCKLES)
"How do you get girls to like you?" (CHUCKLES)
Well, you know, you just want to be the...
Well, you want to be the kind of guy that, like...
Uh...
- You know. - No, I don't know.
And it sounds like you don't either.
That's true. Here. Strawberries.
At least tell me the six rules.
Nah. You're not ready. Soon enough.
- Come on. Come on. - Soon. Soon, I swear.
JOSH: Don't deny me like that, man.
Hey.
Hurricane Carol finally made landfall today,
pulverizing Southern California.
Nice catch.
- What is this? - That's a salami sampler.
JOSH: Because it turns out there is more than
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) one type of salami.
Hot salami, sweet salami, all the kinds of salami.
- Whoa, whoa. I got it. - That made my day.
Josh, can you go do your homework
or something, please?
Why? You barely made it through high school.
Look how well you turned out.
Hey, hey. All right. Thank you. Goodbye.
Go be productive, please.
JOSH: Yeah, let me go invent something.
(DOOR SLAMS)
Do I look like I can't provide for my kid? I work.
No. I know.
You got a lot on your plate. I was just trying to help out.
(SIGHS)
What's going on?
A lawyer called today.
Mmm-hmm.
My dad left Josh 150 grand.
Wow. That's...
- That's great. - No.
I don't want his dead bribe money.
You can't turn down $150,000, Frankie. That's...
Frankie, you could buy a house
with a yard for your gardening.
You could pay off the pool,
you can go back to school. Whatever.
He wanted you to have it.
What, are you on his side now?
It's 150 grand!
Okay.
What is this? What's going on here?
This... (CHUCKLES)
This is Josh missed the bus and I picked him up.
He said you guys needed some groceries,
-so I decided to help out. - No. This.
This hanging outwith us.
I like hanging out with you guys.
Why don't I know anything about you? I mean...
What is with the 20 questions?
Why won't you ever talk about your recovery?
Most of us can't talk about it enough.
I don't know.
FRANKIE: Why do you have these weirdly long pauses
when I ask a question?
I bought you groceries!
I didn't ask you to do that.
- You're grilling me? - Just answer my questions.
The world does not need another AA sob story.
Is that a good enough answer for you?
It's a really shitty answer, actually.
Do you hate the idea of making your life better?
Is it that bad of an idea?
Well, you're one to talk, Mr. Goat Leverager.
I mean, is that you realizing your potential?
I'm just saying, you can have a better life. All right?
You can leave the bar and be appreciated.
- For what? - For who you are!
- The same goes for Josh. - Okay, whoa.
You think maybe you're not in the best position
to be handing out parenting advice?
Have you ever even taken care of a goldfish?
Do you comprehend what it is to be responsible
for another human being?
You cart him around. You... You stock my fridge.
You're atoning for I don't know what.
'Cause I enjoy hanging out with him. He's a good kid!
You're gonna go back to New York.
And how's my kid gonna deal with that?
So I'm just asking you, what do you want here?
You want me to tell you to stay?
No, no.
Is that what you're looking for?
I said it. I would like you guys to be happy. That's it.
That's all you want?
I got to go.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(HORNS HONKING)
(SIGHS)
(LOUD THUD)
(GASPING)
Mom.
- Oh... - What's wrong?
Oh, I just... I stood up too fast.
I just get a little dizzy sometimes.
Sometimes? How often? How long has this been going on for?
Where have you been, huh?
Does she have a name?
I liked Hannah. She's good for you.
Let me just help you up.
(GROANS) I'm fine, I'm fine.
Do you want me to call a doctor?
No, please. No violins.
I just need a little fresh air.
SAM: Mmm-hmm. Yeah, I understand.
Mmm-hmm.
I appreciate it. Thank you.
FEMALE DOCTOR: Okay, I'm here to help.
Okay, bye.
She said you have some kind of
plaque buildup around your heart.
Mmm-hmm.
- Arterio... - Sclerosis.
Mmm-hmm.
You've known about it for a year.
Why aren't you treating it?
- I am treating it. - By not eating Entenmann's?
That happens to be a real sacrifice.
It's an outpatient procedure.
It will take four hours. It's not surgery.
I've had enough doctors for one lifetime.
(TEAPOT WHISTLING)
That's great, Mom, suffer in silence.
That's really smart.
At least I do it in silence.
SAM: What a wonderful philosophy, Mom.
It really made for a happy home.
I mean, it's a great philosophy.
You didn't want to talk, he didn't want to listen.
No one actually tells anyone what's really happening.
Okay. Seeing that your father is too dead to defend himself,
YOU got me.
Let's hear all about how bad you had it.
He was a liar.
- Professionally. - It's a lot to live down to.
And this girl you're dating,
that's the real reason you're hanging around here, isn't it?
What is she, a waitress?
(CHUCKLES)
Ah. Kid?
You don't want to have this conversation, Mom.
How'd you guys meet?
No, no, no, play fair.
You don't want to have this conversation.
It's really not right that you know all about Jerry
and I'm not allowed to go after...
What was her name again?
You want to hear about her? I'll tell you all about her.
Oh, can we rule out Princess Charlotte of Monaco?
She has a son, she's an ex-addict,
and we met at AA.
Trifecta! AA?
And she's Jerry's daughter.
You are an only child. You know that.
Wait a minute. Did you know? Hey, answer me. Did you know?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, my God.
Will you please stop lying and just tell me the truth?
You know her name. Say it.
LILLIAN: I don't know what you want me to say.
Say it. Say her name. Say it.
I am not going to have this conversation with you.
- It's Frankie! - Who told you?
We moved past this a long time ago. It's over.
You knew.
His responsibility was to this family.
Our family.
For you, for your sake, you should be grateful.
She grew up without a father.
It was his choice.
- Was it? - He made peace with it.
He hid $150,000 and gave me instructions
to give it to her.
Stop it.
- He wanted us to meet. - I don't want to hear this.
He has a grandson.
What did you do?
It's been lovely to see you, Sam.
Maybe we'll do it again in another couple of years.
MAN: (ON MACHINE) Mr. Harper, I'm an attorney
calling on behalf of James Richards
to let you know your employment
is hereby terminated.
Under the circumstances, you'd be well advised
to seek legal counsel immediately.
SAM: All right. It's arranged by genre, okay?
You got old school R&B, mid-'70s funk shit,
pretty obscure jazz,
world music, some West African drumming,
soundtracks to the French pornos.
My personal top 40.
It's a lot of rare shit. It's worth money.
JOSH: This is so awesome.
Let's hook up the record player
and play shit really loud until she gets home.
I can't.
Wait. Come on. Grand Theft Auto, pizza...
Maybe I'll even do a little homework.
I can't. I got to go.
- When can you? - I don't know.
Let's make a plan.
Enough with it. Enough! Okay?
"Let's eat pizza, Sam. Let's play video games."
I have real shit to deal with.
And I can't babysit you
because you don't have any real friends.
Don't look at me like that.
I have to go back to New York now.
Will you tell, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT) Will you tell Frankie that
I'll call her when I get there?
You tell her, douche. I'm not your fucking secretary.
TEACHER: All right, guys, we have the helix.
There's two different parts of it.
You have the tangent and the axis.
Can anyone tell me the difference
between the right and the left-handed helix?
(TEACHER CONTINUES TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
(RHYTHMIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(STUDENTS GASP)
(INDISTINCT TALKING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yeah.
Yes, it is.
Hi, this is Sam Harper.
You've been trying to reach me?
JANE: You've been avoiding us, Mr. Harper.
You're being charged with violating Section 5
of the Federal Trade Commission Act.
(PHONE BEEPING)
We need a complete accounting of your records
or we'll go after you as an individual.
- Do you understand? - Can you hold on for a second?
Look, I don't think you're taking this seriously enough.
We can hold you in contempt.
I could not be taking this any more seriously.
Please, if you could just give me a second.
- I need to take this call. - You have 30 seconds.
Hi. I was going to call you.
Hey. Josh broke a kid's nose,
and the parents are going to press charges.
Oh, Jesus...
Yeah. I'm headed to school right now.
Can you please come?
I'm totally freaking out. Hello?
I'm at the airport.
Right. Yeah, forget it. Forget it. Fuck.
WOMAN: Sir?
Picture ID?
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS) Come on.
I'm here to pick up my son.
Josh...
Hi.
Hey, monkey. Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
I know. I know you are.
I've convinced Derek's parents not to press charges.
Oh, thank God.
Let's talk in my office.
Thank you.
Hey, I had money on the fight.
JOSH: So, maybe I could do like
40 hours of community service?
And I could go back to Toluca Park?
No, honey.
Are you sure?
We got to find you a new school.
We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?
It's going to be okay, monkey.
Can I... Can I talk to him for a second?
Six rules.
And listen up, because I don't know
if I'm gonna be able to tell you this again, okay?
These are from my father.
Number one. If you like something
because you think other people are gonna like it,
it's a sure bet no one will.
Number two. Most doors in the world are closed,
so if you find one that you want to get into,
you damn well better have an interesting knock.
And if you knock like you drum, you'll be fine.
Number three. Everything that you think is important
isn't.
And everything that you think is unimportant is.
Number four. Don't shit where you eat.
I wasn't planning on it.
He meant that metaphorically, of course.
Now, bear in mind my father was not all that successful.
Number five. Lean into it.
What does that mean?
It means that the outcome doesn't matter.
What matters is that you're there for it.
Whatever "it" is, good or bad.
Kind of like right now.
And finally, number six, a personal favorite.
Never sleep with someone who has more problems than you.
Hey!
(CHUCKLES)
And my very own. Always assume your mother's listening.
That is definitely a rule.
Your mom is always listening.
So those are the rules.
Thanks, man.
Good luck, champ.
Sleep.
SAM: We have to...
Please don't go.
I just...
Oh, God, I'm a horrible person.
Hey.
I want you to stay with us.
- Please don't. - It's okay.
I've heard everything.
Come on. Relapses, jail, I've heard everything.
I'm scared, too.
We'll figure it out.
You are going to hate me.
How do you know what I'm going to feel, huh?
Are you me?
Yeah...
Sort of.
I'm his son.
Jerry, he's my father.
He asked me to give you the money.
I wanted to tell you. I should have told you.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop.
- Frankie, I am so sorry. - Get out. Get out.
Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out!
Get out of my house! Get out!
(GRUNTS)
I'm going. Okay.
Get out!
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
I'm okay.
I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry you had to see that.
(SOBBING)
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay, we're okay, honey. We're okay.
Thanks.
Hi, Carol.
(SOFT R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
If this is redemption
Why do I bother at all?
There's nothing to mention
And nothing has changed
Still I'd rather be working for something
Than praying for the rain
So I wander on till someone else is saved
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Me I was holding
All of my secrets soft and hid
Pages were folded then there was nothing at all
Um, sit wherever you want.
If in the future I might need myself a savior
I'll remember what was written on that wall
That we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you I'd have a little trust
HANNAH: (ON MACHINE) Hey, it's Hannah. Leave a message.
SAM: Hey, Han, it's me.
My mom's going into Cedars tomorrow.
Cedars is a... It's not a forest, it's a hospital.
It's just for this, uh, well...
It's supposed to be for this outpatient procedure.
It's not an emergency or anything.
But I just thought I'd tell you that.
I also really wanted to tell you that I'm...
(BEEPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE: If you're happy with your message,
press one
To delete this message, press two.
(CHUCKLES)
(SOFT R&B CONTINUES)
So if in the future I might need myself a savior
I'll remember what was written on that wall
You can wait downstairs. It shouldn't be too long.
All right.
(MAN ON PA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I'll be here when you get out, okay?
Okay.
Oh, would you take these?
Finish your sentence.
What's the other reason you were calling?
I'm sorry about everything.
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Sweetie, you look like all kinds of shit.
I told her. I gave her the money.
I knew you would.
You're not coming back, are you?
Well, that may be up to the fine people
at the Federal Trade Commission.
It's a good thing you're going to be a lawyer.
I'm gonna need one.
I will dig my way out, one mess at a time.
But this is where I'm supposed to be.
I'm not worried about you anymore.
Or as worried.
I was thinking maybe you could stay.
I got into NYU.
Han, that's... That's great!
Congratulations. That's wonderful.
I'm happy fol' You
And UCLA.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
I knew you'd turn out to be a halfway-decent guy.
Mom?
You okay?
I made him choose.
And he chose us.
(SIGHS) Marriage, Sam.
Well, you're going to find out.
I didn't think it would turn out this way.
I don't know... If I hadn't have done it,
I don't know that things would have
turned out any better.
Maybe there'd be another family. And another.
Well, he made up his mind.
I wasn't going to let him ruin the one thing I had created.
The only thing that made sense.
You.
But it didn't really work out that way, did it?
Every time he looked at me, he must have seen Frankie.
He saw what he gave up.
I would have avoided me, too.
I hope you never have to know what it's like
to love someone
and then find out you're not enough.
I was trying to protect you from ever feeling that.
Don't you think I believed I was flying to your defense
with all the courage in my heart?
You're my son, Sam. My son.
It was the only thing I could do.
I'm not sure if we're ever going to agree on that.
- But I love you. -(SOBS)
I guess
maybe we could both start trying to be...
Be people.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Be people!
I told him it was my fault
that you were always so far away, and he said,
"Just watch. Sam's going to surprise you."
(SNIFFLES)
Oh.
I think this is meant for you.
SAM: Come on, man, it's her last check.
She must have left something.
A forwarding address, a phone number?
Look, man. I don't know what to tell you. She just quit.
TEACHER: Our course materials are designed
with the career-oriented student in mind.
Our first semester covers landscaping
in the age of technology,
pricing your proposed design, interior plant-soaping,
and understanding what the client wants.
FRANKIE: Josh, your records are in the living room.
JOSH: All right.
Okay.
- Last one. - I love it. I'll take it.
You want some help getting these in?
No, you did enough already.
- Whatever. - Thanks so much.
Okay, so, dinner Thursday.
- Yes. - Okay.
- Baked ziti. - Sure. Whatever that is.
(LAUGHS)
SAM: This is what I cab' a healthy meal.
FRANKIE: (LAUGHING) Oh!
SAM: All right. Let me hear Keith Moon! Keith Moon!
(RHYTHMIC DRUMMING)
(DRUMMING CONTINUES)
(DRUMMING RHYTHMICALLY)
(DRUMMING ON DOOR CONTINUES)
Well, that was quite a knock. Is it Halloween?
Is Sam home?
No. He's out. Who are you?
I'm Josh.
Lillian.
Um...
Can I leave him a note?
Josh! Enough chips. We're having dinner.
But it's sour cream and onion. It's like milk and vegetables.
Give me one.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
You did this?
- Mom. -(BRAKES SCREECHING)
You need to talk to him.
Just lean into it, man.
What do you want?
I came to tell you how sorry I am.
The one guy taking interest in my kid and it had to be you.
And you lied about recovering. Who does that?
- That is sacred! - I know.
No, you don't know. I let you in.
You humiliated me.
Please. Just go.
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
I never meant to do that, Frankie.
Please, let me tell you this. Let me show you something.
If you never want to see me again,
I completely understand.
Just don't turn your back on me. Just listen. Please.
Why did you do this to me?
- I was scared. - Of what?
Of you! Of everything!
Six weeks ago I had no idea you existed,
and there you were.
And I needed the money. You know?
I was selfish. I was a coward.
(STAMMERING) I was scared of this. I don't know how to do this.
We're the only two people on this planet
that know what it was like to be his kid.
You and me. That's it.
That's like... It's, uh...
It's a miracle or something. I mean, it is. It's a miracle.
How am I ever supposed to trust you?
Because...
Because we're family.
And families make mistakes, and I am the king of mistakes.
I'm asking you to forgive me.
And I know it's a lot. I just...
Let me be your brother.
I am your brother.
I want you to be my sister.
It's all I want.
I left the money on the table, you know.
I got all the way to the elevator and I realized
I couldn't do it to Josh.
So I took it.
He deserves more than what we had.
I think that I waited my whole life
for him to come back to me.
He sent you.
He wanted to come back.
You said he used to take you on picnics?
Yeah.
Your mom kept taking you after he left.
Yeah.
Can I show you something, please?
(LAUGHS)
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
(ACOUSTIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm taking all my dreams with me
On a mattress full of memories
I'm taking all my dreams with me
And if anyone asks you where I've been
I've been out having fun with my friends again
We're dancing real close but you can always cut in
We'll be dancing real close but you can always cut in
'Cause I signed on the dotted line
And that mess on your plate is mine
And I ain't asking you to trust me
Anymore
I'm trusting you
And I say it enough
We never had a chance
To watch out for one another
We both need that
It's hard when a friend turns their back
But when you turned around
I knew I'd finally found
Someone whose heart beats the same
I don't remember too much
But I remember the day that I signed on the dotted line
And that name next to yours is mine
And I ain't asking you to trust me
This time
I'm trusting you
And I say it enough